Warning: This is an Emorant post (Emotionally Ranting Post). If you're already quite depressed, i have to sincerely warn you from further reading. Later you commit suicide liao don't come and find me...
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Emorant:
i am lost. totally lost. again.
The compass doesn't point North anymore.
The word has come, NS is official. I'm going to Melacca, Gunung Ledang, Jasin on the 17th of June.
Parting is often an indescribable feeling. This entire ordeal feels like a huge turning point in my life.
2 and half years -- That's how long I've been staying in KL. Away from home, closer to a certain degree of self independence and freedom. All that i've done in KL, the many, many friends I've made and the memories that I have gathered... Taylors, ss15, S3, DTG... Sunway, CAT, ACCA, Group 2 , SAC... You could probably say that my entire life revolves this place now. How can i describe the attachment I have to this place. So many memories! And after I leave here and when I'm back home, what am I going to do.
I feel like being chopped of the very precious things that i hold so dear.
Feels like I'm being amputated of my heart.
Feels like I'm dying of cancer. My life is slowly seeping out of my hands. And when the Reaper comes, "Time's Up" and wham, I'm gone. Leaving all of it behind. Everything comes to an end. And the game's over without a restart button.
Chop. Drop. Move on.
Am i going to see my friends again? Am I going to come back?
My life will crumble apart.
And after that, how do you rebuild a life again?
How do you bridge the voidness in between 2 broken ends of a thread?
and yet, am i choiceless?
No, never was. The greatest power we have in life is the power to make choices.
I can delay this, but why delay the inevitable?
Yet i question myself over the choice when I have to experience this sorrow of parting now? When everything's so dear to me.. when I still have unfinished business.. when I still haven't told my friends how thankful I am for their existance...
There's no gathering in this world that doesn't end.
lol, just like how a birth will always bring death.
Inevitable departure. But if only if it's later? Would it be fitting? Yet I'm the only one now?
Loneliness rushes in like waves. Never ceases and never avoidable.
Hahaha.. Friends Forever? what a huge responsibility and commitment. Do you really think it exists?
Childish? Probably. But not impossible. I hope.
Who likes breakups? Who likes leaving? Who likes abandonment in search of a new life?
Perhaps a new life is the only pot of gold underneath the ever-long arch of colours.
Every death brings a rebirth.
Real friends never leave each other. They just get physically further, that's all.
Sigh. Gloomy clouds that weave the sky, clouding my future sight, sunlight barely filtering through.
I, aware of the uncertainty that lie ahead of me, force myself to walk with resounding footsteps and head held up high.
I guess I do not have the option of being held down.
When you make yourself choice-less, it makes yourself feel better.
Non-emorant:
I think I have pounded myself choiceless. As a way of forcing myself to grow and mature. I want to challenge my limits. Yet I'm being emotionally tied down. Who would want to leave their comfort zone - friends, familiarity and all? Humans are by nature afraid of uncertainty, if you haven't noticed.
But yet if I want to improve myself, I have to go. challenge myself and push myself.
I guess this is the result of being to comfortable with my life, that I have grown roots. And when the time comes to unroot myself, it hurts so badly. Yet by only changing pots will i have the rootroom to grow and to bloom bigger flowers.
Conclusion:
What the hell. Chunhowe, you suck big time.
all pics courtesy of http://www.sxc.hu
nope.. your browser's fine. I increased the font size in this post. =D
