Some seriousssss blogging!

I haven't eaten since 4pm and then, I only ate a pack of Asam Laksa Maggi Noodles, preceded by 2 slices of toast with jam. So much for eating and drinking well? Maybe that's the reason I'm not really energised now.

Sigh, many things have happened and it's just rather imposing an uneasy feeling on me. It's hard to handle so many things at once, and having the occasionally sudden free day off to do nothing at home, you're suddenly surrounded by a haunt of troubles all of a sudden.

What happen to the old self where I can just think of nothing else and do what I want And this is the beginning of times, imagine what will happen as time goes on.

And people keep saying that I'm soooooooooo young, yet, I'm feeling as old as Madonna is.

Oh well, what to do? Pick up your bags and keep your mind clear of what's truly important in life.

OK, now that the emo-ring is finally over, let's get down to some serious blogging!

1. Through Andrew, I have been given the opportunity to buy a certain camera lens which I have been lacking for so long and yet not have. Half of the day had me distracted from my past year questions, looking at prices and comparing them across continents (US, UK, Malaysia/Firsthand, secondhand).

2. Then came the period of restlessness when I had to meet a friend to pass her a DVD at my local bus station, but I forgot, thus going out with a totally screwed up hair-do. Imagine my head with 2 wings - yes that was how my hair was. And I had to meet her... and her boyfriend. >_<

This girl... Girls like her who come to a completely new country and are suddenly given freedom might find their lives spiralling out of their hands. They might think that what they have is tonnes of empowerment but in my eyes, I seriously think that she might be messing up her own life.

3. Since coming back, I haven't been able to settle down properly. Oh well, at least I'm using some music player which displays downloaded lyrics to pick up cantonese from canto songs now. GIVE ME SOME CANTO SONGS!

4. And I can't wait to head back. Urgh.

Sigh, just one of those vulnerable nights when someone can just cut you open with a leaf. A palm tree one somemore.

Untitled 7

I just received an message from my mum that one of our family friends was just diagnosed with 4th stage colon cancer. It has already spreaded to other parts of her body, so chances are.

How do you wish someone well, who you know is.?

I just can't bare the thought of lying to her, but the sadness is apparent to all of us. My mum gave me her msn address, but I stopped short of pressing the "add" button and adding her onto my msn list. I thought in the end, that I just wasn't prepared well enough yet, that I still lacked the courage to say that, "It's ok, you'll be well" or that "Everything is going to be ok" when it's bloody hell not going to be.

I thought I will not cry at the thought of people around me going away, thinking that it's part of the cycle of life. Apparently I'm just not that strong after all.

What will happen when I do in the end go, should I let people know about me and let others shed tears for me, or shall I just go quietly and selfishly away from the face of this earth? I wonder.

Life is... A Station Full of Trains.

It's certainly amazing how time moves on without a person knowing. If one were to imagine life, or the experience of passing through time, as a system of on-going trains moving throughout various platforms in a train station, the phenomenon of such obliviousness would probably be akin to staying on the platform and watching the train depart without you on board.

Life is... as simple as that. If you get on, you move. If you don't do anything, life moves on without you, whether you like it or not.


I remember the first day I arrived in London at 4am in the morning. Without a single idea of where I was going, the amiacably friendly lady at the counter sold me a Healthrow Express ticket to King's Cross. When I stepped out of the train. I had no idea where I was, nor where I had to go next.

Different trains go different places. Some might have a destination in mind when they get on, but the train of life at times bring you to places you never expected to go.

Some people go different destinations, and thus they leave from different platforms. Some people can see certain platforms, and some people can't, thus some people manage to go different places while some just stay on the same station all their lives, shuffling through platforms without moving on. Akin to Harry Potter and his Platform of 9 and 3/4, some people see opportunities and grab them, while some see and don't go, while others miss them entirely.

At times, while waiting for someone alongside a busy tube exit, I like to play a guessing game: I'd wildly guess who these guys are and where are these guys are going. One might be a businessman heading home for a nice dinner, another might be a stationary clark going for a pint with his mates. Another might as well be a prostitute. Well, to tell the truth, most of the time, I haven't got a clue. They look all the same to me, just as I am, to them.

Some people get forcefully squeezed onto trains by on-rushing crowds, while some get gently nudged on by other individuals. Just like how as a student, you followed your peers moving through the education system, or when your parents forced you onto this particular high school. At least, eventually, you're going somewhere. What happens when you're just standing on an empty platform? 

Oh well, life is a mysterious thing.

edit: harry potter station number. credits to andrew. 

A Tribute to Michael Crichton

The post for this week, out of respect of a huge, deeply saddening issue: The 4th of November, 2008 marks the death of one of my favourite authors, Michael Crichton.  He passed away from a private battle with cancer.

John Michael Crichton, M.D. pronounced /ˈkraɪtən/ ^[1], (October 23, 1942 – November 4, 2008^[2][3]) was an American author, film producer, film director, medical doctor, and television producer best known for his science fiction and techno-thriller novels, films, and television programs. His books have sold over 150 million copies worldwide. His works were usually based on the action genre and heavily feature technology. Many of his future history novels have medical or scientific underpinnings, reflecting his medical training and science background. He was the author of The Andromeda Strain, Congo, Disclosure, Rising Sun, Timeline, State of Fear, Prey, and Next. He was also the creator of ER, but most famous for being the author of Jurassic Park, and its sequel The Lost World, both adapted into high grossing films and leading to the very successful franchise. The final book he published before his death was Next, and he also had another project set for some time in 2009.

Michael was one of my favourite authors in secondary school, being first introduced to him by his afamed book, Jurassic Park. I found it really interesting, being a fan of science fiction and continuously read many of his books,  like Sphere and Congo (Congo was crap thou). His writing was fast paced and had many imaginable twists, mostly from the point of view of the protagonist investigating a certain incident. His materials were founded stuff, but pushed to the extreme boundaries of reasons, e.g., Jurassic Park, cloning and breeding a full batch of dinosaurs on at island from dino blood extracted from mosquitos trapped in amber... Hello? Someone reason this out for me? But still, being science fiction material, you realised that his arguments are based on facts he presents and are actually supported with scientific evidence, while the storyline speculates to the extent of pure bollocks.

And who doesn't like bollocks like that?

It just makes you think about possibilities, like in the State of Fear, he organizes his materials to suggest that global warming was a giant conspiracy (a bit far-fetched, but he really throws a lot of scientific evidences and support). To quote Karnick, 2008, "His writings are particularly important for having brought an intelligent, nuanced view on science to a popular culture much more inclined toward ignorance and political shibboleths in its treatment of scientific issues."

If you'd ask me my favourite book so far, it'd be Jurassic Park, but if you ask me to recommend you one of his books to read, it'll be Prey. Simply because it talks about the outbreak of bacterial cell-produced berserking, ravaging nanomachines functioning in an hyena pack-like behaviour... One, the concepts are more up-to-date (written in 2002 :D) and two, that's the epitome of the definition of freaking cool now. 

Michael Crichton remains one of my faves so far, and his style of writing has influenced me as you can see from my crapping of impossible stuff as found in my side bar. :D Rest In Peace, Michael, you'll not be forgetten by us, by me at least, for I bought your hardcovers, and they freaking cost an atomic bomb.

chunhowe, you /b/tard!

Sometimes I feel that I'm a real bastard. Reason being that, I tend to suck in human relations. I wouldn't point out specific examples, but here are general reasons why:

One, I like to mix around with different groups of people, yet not seek to totally commit myself to any single group. It's really conflicting to me and to them, you know. You have many pockets of friends, but yet you're not as close in all of them, and the real conflict comes when all of them expects you to make a commitment, but you can't, leading to them to think that you're just "flirting" around. Imagine you thought this guy was your friend because he joined you for lunch one day, but he joins someone else tomorrow. Then suddenly he comes back to join you the next day for lunch... "why? he suddenly no more friends only come and find me huh?"

Two, I flicker in my treatment towards people, very extremely. Sometimes, I feel that they're so dear to me and I really appreciate them, but at times I just ignore people, as in totally not respond/treat them coldly. I don't understand why I do this, and I always regret after my actions, but it just comes so naturally to me. Maybe I just want to keep my distant from people, or sometimes I just want to make myself feel wanted or positionally "higher than you" to masturbate my ego. When I reflect on this, I feel like I'm letting people I know down, and yea, I feel that I'm a bloody bastard for doing so.

There you go, two reasons for calling Chunhowe a bastard. Dijamin-ed oleh chunhowe somemore.

On a side note, the new season 12 of Topgear is back!!! Yay!

My Autobiography.

Should age play a part in a person's life? In terms of how he should think and deal with everything in his life, like the people and issues arising around him?

Since young, I've been always the youngest in comparision to most of my peers. It was all normal from kindergarden till the year I was in primary 3. I undertook the PTS program, which allowed kids of that age, subject to certain academical criterias to skip their primary 4s and move on to primary 5. From then onwards, I started a year younger.

Younger than my classmates, but at least I was not alone. I was in the best class, and yet still had a few extraordinarily clever friends who had skipped a year with me. I finished within the top ten in class, however, below expectations in the UPSR, getting a 6As and a B over 7 subjects that I had taken.

In secondary school, I studied in Singapore. They offered 2 streams, 4 years for 'express' stream and 'ordinary' for the normal stream. My peers in secondary school was totally awed by a Malaysian guy coming over at 12 years old when they were all 13. Looking back then, I wonder if any of them actually thought all Malaysian graduated from Primary at the age of 11.

In the first year, I travelled every morning to school, which was a mere 30 minutes drive, gratefully thanks to Ms Liew who was more like my nanny (in a good way, in case she's reading this) than my teacher. I still remember her knowing all about my results whenever it turned bad or something --- reports to my parents. Haha! That was tense, but I didn't care so much then.

My 4 years during secondary school, as compared to the Malaysian's 5, I constantly topped the entire standard. Well, my secondary school wasn't a top class school, but I still loved it for the relaxed, neighbourhoody feeling it gave. In addition to that, I managed to get myself (due to a *certain* influence, I suspect, in retrospective) into the Student Council. I wasn't a forerunner for the President post in my later schooling years, but I did managed to get myself up there. Possibly by this really quirky campaign speech I delivered then.

"... I believe that anyone can be the President. You, you or even you. Even a LIZARD by the roadside can be a president. But what really matters, is what can you do for the school!"

Hey, I was young k?

But in deep down, I knew that I was being treated very differently by the school. To them, I was the higest hope for the next legendary Dave Ong, a guy who had previously gotten straight As (the school's very first) for the O levels. I was like, the hope of the school that could possibly push them back onto the headlines again for promotional purposes.

"See? We produced another straight As student again! We're a good school! Come, come! "

I loved my time there. My peers were not crazy people who stressed so much about studies, but instead had lots of lame laughter and huge smiles. My student council rocks. My Ex-Co till this day still rocks. I remember our camp, where we pushed for our very first Student Council Campfire. We asked/beg/stole stuff from the scouts and guides. Those were great memories!

But in the end, I wasn't able to deliver the marks the school was asking for; of 8 subs, I got a 7As and a B.

Another single B! Curse or what?

I wasn't that much affected thou, but I could tell the teacher, Ms Valerie, who taught the 'B' subject was. Aha!

At the end of my secondary school, I decided to go back Malaysia. Not that I didn't like Singapore and I wanted to leave my friends, but I just decided that the thrill of living in KL alone was too great to ignore. Complete autonomy over myself! Merdeka! Merdeka! Merdeka! Ah, how good it smelled!

I popped into Taylors College, 2 years younger than my peers. Where I stayed by myself in this room rented by this old couple, daughter who I came to know as the famous evonne and his old dog, and attended class S3, where I met tons of funny buggers till today I cannot forget. How to forget la!? ZOMG. To forget would be for me to get amnesia, which could only possibly be hit on the head by a Boeing 777.

I'd love to elaborate more here, but the experience's so rich enough that it wouldn't do my memories any justice to briefly mention them here. I would very much like to dedicate a single post to my experiences in Taylors later on. =)

Make things short, I involved myself in DotA, AsiaCafe, Winangali - the course's annual magazine (front cover was a collab of me with Andrew k? *proud*), Sarah's (yeah, the same sarah) Dog Tag Gang, and also a proud exam result of 98.3 percentile across the entire SAM cohort.

That was when all hell broke lose.

After I finished my engineering course, my parents wanted me to do accounting instead, citing money and job prospects. Whereas I had been looking at the direction of engineering all my life.

To me, I had been a science student through secondary, thro my foundation - accountancy had never appeared in my head ever once. Even when I was a kid, I always played with toys and lego bricks, citing them as my "newest invention", I read extensively on science encylopedias etc. Being an engineer could be said to be my childhood ambition, my one and only love.

And suddenly, I was forced to wake up from my childhood slumber. My parents had supported me all my life till 16 years old. And now, I was suddenly shook awake to the realities of the world. It wasn't a problem of if you wanted/could or not now, it was a matter of what others wanted you to do.

Suddenly, the line between "what you want to do" and "what you have to do" have never been so clear. However, then, I was still young and didn't know what to do nor how to defend myself. My ambition against my own parents' wishes - which could be extrapolated to the demands of the society.

Perphaps it was for my good, it could see now with the benefit of hindsight. But it didn't help to give me so much options initially, and take them all away in a blink of an eye! I remember one night, crying in their room, a 16 year old boy, trying to argue his way through
letting him study engineering but to no avail. Just all, but taking his childhood ambition away...

Against my will, I was sent to do ACCA in Sunway. Till this day, I've never enjoyed accountancy. I still love engineering, but I know that it's no way back for me anymore. And I have pinned my hopes on my friends from Taylors who are doing them. All and all. That's why I always treated them as very special people to me, regardless of them knowing or not. I pray that you guys will achieve greatness in the future, succeed in your careers, no matter civil, chemical, mechanical, mechatronic, electrical etc etc. Even my friends doing medicine, denstistry or even law (yes, you lah! who else!), I sincerely hope that this has been your dream job and with no problems walking on this path.

As for me, what's happened to me now?

Coming to London to study, is the only good thing i can see from this whole hell. I still hate accountancy, and it pains me everytime anyone asks me "Why have you changed from engineering to accountancy?". IF, if, if you've read this and you are my friend, please answer this for me, for everytime I attempt to think of an answer my heart feels sour instantly.

"Due to money constraints and job prospects, my friend. For money and job."

I have never told anyone about this before, and this is one of the rare times I've actually blogged about my raw honest feelings on this blog. Please act as if you've never read this before, and please don't leave any comments on the tagbox regarding this post. Just know it, and keep it.

And what made me think about all my past now?

Because I'm doing my 6,500 word Oxford Brookes Research and Analysis Project, a 19 year old at the final year of his professional ACCA -cum- honours degree course, in a classroom of 25 - 30 year olds, analysing the horrifically dense clouds of financial statements of huge multi-national companies. And effectively, my project mentor's just screwed me, giving me a choice: to do the easier, project topic of his choice which will be due 2 months later, or to do a choice of mine which he sets to be 1 week later.

But hey! At least I've got a choice this time, that I'm not letting go easily.

And I was just wondering what would have been happening to me, if I had reversed time and was just a normal 19 years old kid.

------

If Chunhowe acts young, or immature, that's because he wants to be young. He's afraid of growing old, he's constantly afraid of the outside world. He wishes that he could still be in secondary school living life without a worry and playing with his classmates running around the corridors squeezing his guyfriends' nipples. If his childishness or playfulness actually affects/irritates you, please just understand that he is actually very vunerable and scared of you too. xxx.

... why can people be such a hypocrite?

sigh.

Am I the same as them? Or am I now just taking a point of view of feeling suci-nessity, high and almighty?

Should I adapt to be the same as them? If I continue to be truthful to them, I'll just keep getting hurt isn't it? Compromise my principles and fight fire with fire?

Human and social interaction is so strenous. Why can't everybody drop their little precious-to-them-only egos and be truthful to everyone around them? Ignorant pricks and arrogant c*nts.

Oh yea. I came back from Germany safe and sound! yay~

Current mood: Lost and guilt.

It's 6am here. Now.

If you know me well enough, Chunhowe NEVER wakes up this early. At least, since secondary school.

Meaning that I had stayed up overnight till now.

At first I was playing some game while watching some show till 1am. THEN, I started to playing some game while trying to study till 5am. But the study part didn't really come. So, feeling guilty, I trying to study till now lo.

Whole week off for easter, and what have I accomplished? Two chapters of revision. Stay at home and do nothing. Wasting my parents money sending me here when I don't even bother to go out and see England.

I'm the worst lah!

Now then, to compile to my misery, everybody shout: "You're the worst!"

Fed-uplly Untitled.

The following post is a post detailing the relationship of its author and his country. It might also be political sensitive to some people. If you do not wish to read this, please either click the tiny cross button at the topright corner, or scroll down so fast that you cannot catch a word. Thanks.

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I was a frequent traveller a year back, riding buses between Johor and KL all the time.

Whenever I took buses, I would always chose the express bus, which would save me around one hour of time. This meant that the buses would got straight to the destination without stopping for breaks. Yup, even for the bus drivers.

I guess everyone knows about what happen to Lee Nian Ning (1987-2008), a promising individual along with who had her life and future fatefully severed off from her, along with Mohd. Zailani and Pang Boon Eng in a horrendous bus crash on the 25th of January on the Slim River stretch of the North South Highway.

I guess everyone is baffled, and disappointed with the transportation system that actually allowed a bus which was already laden with 13 summonses run on the road.

As usual, the government has failed us again. As usual.

Just like the time when crime rates in Johor Bahru was rising. Cries after cries, yet nothing was done until the people gathered up and submitted a petition, only did we see a flip of a pen by the upper officers.

People who are elected to lead the rakyat, decide for the rakyat, listen for the rakyat.

Yet?

The word "disappointing" is probably a huge understatement, that can't even appease the woe I feel deep in my heart.

I am a citizen of Malaysia; and now that I'm a abroad, the emotionally feelings cry out even louder. I proudly say that I come from Malaysia when people ask me, and don't even hesistate to explain to the people here where Malaysia is when they raise curious looks.

At times I really doubt if Malaysia is worthy of my upmost loyalty. It has broken my heart so many times.

When good things happen in Malaysia, I'm happy. Like when AirAsia made it big, I was happy. Like when MAS finally managed to get things right, I'm happy. Like when Malaysia ta pau-ed England 6-2 in futsal, you cannot imagine the grin on my face.

Malaysia Boleh? A phrase coined to show the tenaciousness and self-confidence of Malaysians.

Tak tau malu-ke?

When something good happens, we cry out "Malaysia Boleh" in glee, taking the actual meaning by its head and waving it around for other countries to see.

I look at Streamyx's quality service, Malaysia Boleh. I look at Proton's waste of resources, Malaysia Boleh. I look at officers in the upmost highest ranks of the bureaucratic ladder blantantly lying out through their big fat filled bellybuttons, Malaysia Boleh.

It's ironic that when something stupid happens, as it often does, we cry out "Malaysia Boleh" too, taking the very same phrase by sarcasm, and then taking the mindset of "normally lah" and brushing it aside, sweeping it under the banana leaf you use to eat rice with, lying to themselves through their ceramically fake grin and continue to lead lifes you and I have always did, as if nothing has happened.

People who run a country; People who elect leaders. The former group of people is called "The Government". The later group is called "The Rakyat".

If The Rakyat doesn't care, The Government doesn't care.

Stop sleeping, Malaysians. Please.

If you've travelled a bit, you would have known how beautiful a place Malaysia is. How delicious the food in Malaysia is. How great are the friends you make in Malaysia is.

All to waste? To trample on? To use and throw away?

I seriously don't even know what to expect of Malaysia in my future. Some friends ask if I'm coming back from England, and yet I don't know how to answer them.

What?

If the people don't care, the Government wouldn't care. Keep that in mind.

We're all just honest souls trying to carve a future for own selves.

------
I have nothing else more to add.

Petition

A Letter to Santa

Dear Santa Claus,

Greetings from the land where there are more Malays than anywhere else. How's the weather at the North Pole? Heard that because of global warming, the poles are shrinking. I hope that your property weren't affected. For all I know, those bast*rds in Bali aren't gonna do a single thing... Afterall, many countries are selfish and its almighty leaders/head of state politicians are playing oh-let's-jingle-round-the-roses and wasting time pointing fingers at each other.

Pessimictic I may be, but realistic I am. Although I'm heading for my 19th year and maybe a bit and slightly overaged for this, but my textbooks once non-factually said that a person's gotta dream for his wish to come true. I do hope you exist, afterall, no David Copperfield lives as long as you, and no Muhammad Ghandi can bring hopes to so much people as you.

My wishlist for christmas is simple. No doubt, some personal and some for the hope of mankind. I shall skip all my personal wishlists on this public blog, but to be refered to later as an pdf file attachment at the bottom of this post.

My 2 hopes for this unforgiving world:

1. Please, leaders of the world, stop acting like children and start maturing as a leader of the world. No doubt, many of you all were elected, but how many actually fulfilled the reason of post that you were actually meant to fill? You should put down your differences and sense of individualism of the countries you represent, and see many things, with foresight and vision, as you were expected and chosen to. Do realise how many people suffer as a result of your incapabilities, and how many moan as a result of your lack of vision. No doubt, democracy is a flawed process, as even as the majority may not always get the correct choice.

Dear Santa, please give the world a proper leader, both politically and spiritually. This pathetic world needs one. And please do not point out UN to me - they can suck balls. And the supposed one currently sitting in the White House is making more flawed decisions than he is expected to, no credits for that. May the new America elections bring about someone decent enough.

2. Mother Nature is crying. Can you hear her weep?

I'm not skeptic about that. The weather's changed so drastically and so visibly, even in the course of my youthful, 19 years of life. On the micro-scale, sungais (rivers) are getting polluted with plastic bags and styrofoams boxes; The roads are being littered by cigarette buds and tissue papers; Even on the backlanes of my house are full of trash and foodwaste. Now, mulitply that by every river you see, every road you drive on, every housing estate. I announce that I just overwhelmed myself with nothing but heavy feelings.

On the macro, London's getting colder year by year; Floods that didn't seem have affected Malaysia in the past have struck twice in a row. In 19 years, I've seen this: I can't imagine what's gonna happen in the next 19 years, or the one after that. Will I actually get to see Earth's premature demise in my lifetime?

Dear Santa, please delay or drag on the death of Mother Earth, or Gaia. I can't bear to see her Death nor her sad, disappointed face in my lifetime. If the Christian God actually summoned another flood to kill all of us, I would actually say that we, as humans, as stewards of this planet, deserve it. Where else awaits us, as mankind, in the future, except the damnation of Earth?

My dear Santa, You're no God, and I'm no Unreasonable. Just try your best to help me ok? I know these are unreasonable hopes but i'm sure that many others hope the same too. At this point of time, there's no one else more believable than you, other than peter pan and the seven gay dwarfs and crayon shin chan and his little white dog.

Ok, that wasn't really much of a consolation.

Thanks for spending some time to read my letter. Will email you next year again.

Regards to Mrs Santa and your elves,
Chunhowe.

emotionally ranting

Warning: This is an Emorant post (Emotionally Ranting Post). If you're already quite depressed, i have to sincerely warn you from further reading. Later you commit suicide liao don't come and find me...

***** yetanotherhowe.blogspot.com hereby officially disclaims any and every responsibility for any loss of goods/life of their readers. *****

Emorant:

i am lost. totally lost. again.

The compass doesn't point North anymore.

The word has come, NS is official. I'm going to Melacca, Gunung Ledang, Jasin on the 17th of June.

Parting is often an indescribable feeling. This entire ordeal feels like a huge turning point in my life.



2 and half years -- That's how long I've been staying in KL. Away from home, closer to a certain degree of self independence and freedom. All that i've done in KL, the many, many friends I've made and the memories that I have gathered... Taylors, ss15, S3, DTG... Sunway, CAT, ACCA, Group 2 , SAC... You could probably say that my entire life revolves this place now. How can i describe the attachment I have to this place. So many memories! And after I leave here and when I'm back home, what am I going to do.

I feel like being chopped of the very precious things that i hold so dear.

Feels like I'm being amputated of my heart.

Feels like I'm dying of cancer. My life is slowly seeping out of my hands. And when the Reaper comes, "Time's Up" and wham, I'm gone. Leaving all of it behind. Everything comes to an end. And the game's over without a restart button.

Chop. Drop. Move on.

Am i going to see my friends again? Am I going to come back?

My life will crumble apart.



And after that, how do you rebuild a life again?

How do you bridge the voidness in between 2 broken ends of a thread?

and yet, am i choiceless?

No, never was. The greatest power we have in life is the power to make choices.

I can delay this, but why delay the inevitable?

Yet i question myself over the choice when I have to experience this sorrow of parting now? When everything's so dear to me.. when I still have unfinished business.. when I still haven't told my friends how thankful I am for their existance...

There's no gathering in this world that doesn't end.

lol, just like how a birth will always bring death.

Inevitable departure. But if only if it's later? Would it be fitting? Yet I'm the only one now?

Loneliness rushes in like waves. Never ceases and never avoidable.

Hahaha.. Friends Forever? what a huge responsibility and commitment. Do you really think it exists?

Childish? Probably. But not impossible. I hope.

Who likes breakups? Who likes leaving? Who likes abandonment in search of a new life?

Perhaps a new life is the only pot of gold underneath the ever-long arch of colours.

Every death brings a rebirth.

Real friends never leave each other. They just get physically further, that's all.

Sigh. Gloomy clouds that weave the sky, clouding my future sight, sunlight barely filtering through.

I, aware of the uncertainty that lie ahead of me, force myself to walk with resounding footsteps and head held up high.



I guess I do not have the option of being held down.
When you make yourself choice-less, it makes yourself feel better.

Non-emorant:

I think I have pounded myself choiceless. As a way of forcing myself to grow and mature. I want to challenge my limits. Yet I'm being emotionally tied down. Who would want to leave their comfort zone - friends, familiarity and all? Humans are by nature afraid of uncertainty, if you haven't noticed.

But yet if I want to improve myself, I have to go. challenge myself and push myself.

I guess this is the result of being to comfortable with my life, that I have grown roots. And when the time comes to unroot myself, it hurts so badly. Yet by only changing pots will i have the rootroom to grow and to bloom bigger flowers.

Conclusion:

What the hell. Chunhowe, you suck big time.



all pics courtesy of http://www.sxc.hu
nope.. your browser's fine. I increased the font size in this post. =D