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I just received an message from my mum that one of our family friends was just diagnosed with 4th stage colon cancer. It has already spreaded to other parts of her body, so chances are.

How do you wish someone well, who you know is.?

I just can't bare the thought of lying to her, but the sadness is apparent to all of us. My mum gave me her msn address, but I stopped short of pressing the "add" button and adding her onto my msn list. I thought in the end, that I just wasn't prepared well enough yet, that I still lacked the courage to say that, "It's ok, you'll be well" or that "Everything is going to be ok" when it's bloody hell not going to be.

I thought I will not cry at the thought of people around me going away, thinking that it's part of the cycle of life. Apparently I'm just not that strong after all.

What will happen when I do in the end go, should I let people know about me and let others shed tears for me, or shall I just go quietly and selfishly away from the face of this earth? I wonder.